Monday with Peanut

Black Moth Super Rainbow - Born On A Day The Sun Didn't Rise

I will never get sick of Black Moth Super Rainbow.

Is it Christmas yet?

Yesterday I was forced to wake up at 8am to go to the last hellhole party of the year: The Farmer's Market. It was cold and windy and I was wearing 3 jackets and I was still freezing. There were so many soccer moms and old women I was going to scream. We brought Peanut which turned out to be a bad idea because every time we stopped, a brigade of about 8 old women circled around us. They were all really nice but after the 3rd time of repeating "She's three months, no she won't get any bigger, yes she still pees on the carpet" I was tired and ready to go home.

After satan's market, I went to school with Alex where we finished our pots. They are reallllyy good. I finally got some pictures of our Grade A artwork. I think our incredible playlist brought out the inner Picasso in us.

Dangerously Addicted to Dexter.

Does Dexter have a soul? Do you?

I closed at work today which translates to:

"I was forced to stand behind a faded red-orange countertop and read magazines while waiting for customers." I do that until 10 and naturally, the customers never show up and today I didn't mind it at all. Since I already read the BIEBER FEVER and NICKI MINAJ WEEKLY magazines, I picked up

a copy of the latest Psychology Today issue. I'm glad there weren't any customers because I wasn't about to look up from my reading to help them count their cockroach infested energy drink cans. Inside, there was an article about fast food and how a quarter of americans DEPEND on it. God, America's disgusting. (I can't remember the last time I had fast food. But I can tell you that it had to do with BK breakfast.) I liked the magazine so much that I looked up the website when I got home and to my surprise I found an article about DEXTER. {http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-social-thinker/201009/is-dexter-successful-psychopath} I was instantly sent off into a frenzy and once I saw that there were count

less books about the show and books from which the show originated from, I bought close to all of them. Next next step was going to the author of the Dexter books' website and found an article about how even though Jeff Lindsay is the man that created good ol' Dex, he barely gets any recognition. He claims that it's okay but I think it's ridiculous.

Dexter and Me by Jeff Lindsay

My mother called me one night two years ago. "Well," she said. "Now I know you've really made it."

"Oh, really?" I said. "What do you mean?"

"I'm watching Jeopardy," she said. "The answer to the last question was, 'Who is Dexter?'"

A few nights later, my sister called. "You were just on Nancy Grace," she said.

"I was?" I said, very surprised. It didn't seem like the kind of thing I would forget. "You mean me?"

"No, not you," she snorted, as if I should have known better that someone like me would never be on Nancy Grace. "Dexter. Somebody's foot washed up on a beach, and she called it a real-life Dexter moment."

And then a few weeks later my agent called. "Did you hear what they named the new robot arm for the space shuttle?" he

said.

"Let me guess," I said.

"It's iconic," my agent said. "That's a good thing."

And it is. Dexter is iconic. But as my sister was smart enough to pick up on, I am not. I think this is a good thing. I worked in Hollywood for a dozen years, and all I can say about it is that the primitive tribes who think the camera steals your soul were really on to something. So I don't want to be instantly recognizable—not Tom Cruise famous, not even Stephen King famous.

On the other hand, if Dexter wants fame, that's fine with me. He deserves it: he's a fine, upstanding, hardworking guy who is good with kids, thoughtful to co-workers, and helpful around the house. And if he slips away now and then for a little bit of human vivisection—well, nobody's perfect.

I will admit, though, that lately I've begun to suffer what may be the world's first Edgar Rice Burroughs Complex. Like Burroughs' Tarzan, my character is known all over the world, and I am still anonymous. That takes some getting used to, even though there are perks. It has given me some wonderful moments—like riding into Times Square in a taxi and seeing Dexter 60 feet tall on the side of the building. "Have you seen that program?" the driver asked me.
"I don't watch much TV," I said, even though I was staring like a school boy at a peep show.

"There are books, too," he said.

And there are. I hope you will like them

. They make wonderful gifts, too. Even better, Nancy Gra

ce and Alex Trebek will never have to see me sweat.

The man is a genius and he deserves SO much credit. THANK YOU JEFF LINDSAY. YOU ARE AWESOME. I cannot wait until Season 5 starts.

AY YO SEAN, YOU MISTA KINGSTON.

While downloading gallons of music (il)legally, I was watching TV. I haven't watched TV in months (watching hours of Nip/Tuck, Dexter, and Californication on Nexflix does NOT count) and I remembered why. There is nothing to watch. I was flipping through the channels while I babysat for my mom. I'm going to start charging her hourly for watching Peanut. If she's not biting Bear, she's tearing the stuffing out of her stuffed monkey. I'm exhausted. Anyways I came across this show called Beast Legends. They were debunking the idea of dragon existence and they ended up in a cave where they were catching bats. This was when I realized that bats are SO CUTE. I want one. The closest I've ever come to one was the time my family came home from dinner and there was one in the house. My dad took it out with a tennis racquet, which caused quite a gory scene and I haven't been a fan since then. Until now. So if anyone reads this at all and you have a friend of a friend's second brother that has a bat that they want to give away, call me. PLEASE. (420)-699-6969... Alyse AKA Wolf Blitzen and I share the same landline.

I donated plasma today. I've decided I'm saving up to get every American Apparel hoodie ever since that's all I wear. I won't need to buy a shirt ever again! The inside feels too good. TOO GOOD.

Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim are touring real soon and I WILL see them. I'm going to the Minneapolis show and they are going to be soooo funny. Too bad Dicky Dunn won't be there. REST IN PEACE RICHARD DUNN. YOU ARE MISSED.

I can't wait until Halloween. I still really want to go to the Voodoo music festival in New Orleans but it's a lot of money and I can't get anyone to fork out enough money to go with me. Oh well... I'll just have to see Die Antwoord and Deadmau5 some other time...

http://thevoodooexperience.com/2010exp/

I can't wait until Christmas either! I already know what I'm getting everyone. Or what I'm making everyone. POTZ. I hope they like my mediocre artwork. I have to go in tomorrow to the art building to finish my pieces. There's a critique on Monday. I'm nervous. I think I might go in at like 6 or 7 am so I will miss everyone that's going in there because they're procrastinators just like me.

I'll post pictures tomorrow! WHOOOH!

PRETTY BOY SWAG

Can I get that dro

Can I get that remmy
Can I get that coke
Can I get that henny
Can I get that margarita on the rock rock rock
Can I get salt all around that rim rim rim rim
Trey
I was like yo trey
Do you think you can buy me a bottle of rosay
Okay lets get it now
Im wit a bad bitch he's wit his friends
I dont say I hi I say keys to the benz
Keys to the benz keys to the benz
Mufuckin rite yea b to the 10
If a bitch try to get cute ima stomp her
Throw alotta money at her then yell fuck her
Fuck her fuck her then yell fuck her
Then im go and get my loui belt slug her
Excuse me Im sorry Im really such lady
I rep young money
You know slim baby
And we be doin donuts while we wave in the 3-80
We give alot of money to the babies out in haiti
Yellin all around the world
Do you hear me
Do you like my body and a nicki
Rest in peace to ana nicole smith
Yes my dear your so explosive
Say hi to mary mary and joseph
Now bottoms up and double my doses

Other tweets that I find hilaaaarious:

be silly, be sexi, beastiality

#what does this do??

@CC0RD!NG 2 J!M.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fifkj8rTN4Y&feature=player_embedded#

Will there come a day when Peanut doesn't pee on me?

I have a bone to pick with iTunes.

Am I the only one that thinks the new iTunes logo looks almost identical the the Camel Crush cigarettes logo? I mean, they're practically the same thing. I've searched the "web" all night long hoping to find someone that picked up on it too so we could bitch together but there was no such luck. It's cool but everytime I look at my computer I think of cigarettes.

Tonight is Leslie and the Lys. I lost track of how many times I've seen them. It's too bad I'm not going tonight. They put on such a good show. (giant cat)

I decided to shuffle my music and I was re-introduced to New Years Kiss by Casiotone for the Painfully Alone. Falling in love all over again was magical. I'm never going to get sick of this song.

<3>

On Twitter I recently realized how hilarious 50 Cent was. I picked out a few favorites. They're really all hysterical but some were just mind blowingly funny.

How come all the food that's good for us taste so bad dam. shit make me wanta fired my cook. I feel like I just had a wood sandwich

Booty is my new motivational topic of the day. If ur skinny buy you a ass. If u have no tits put them in bitch. Quit playing around

Goddamn all these pretty bitches on my page now. I'm in heaven. I wanna fuck all yal! All I need is a redbull and 5mns between each nut

GEOLOGY TEST HERE I COME!

Everyone get your Tim & Eric tickets for November 17th.

Belligerent ghouls
Run Manchester schools

Spineless swines
Cemented minds

Sir leads the troops
Jealous of youth
Same old suit since 1962

He does the military two-step
Down the nape of my neck

I wanna go home
I don't wanna stay
Give up education
As a bad mistake

Mid-week on the playing fields
Sir thwacks you on the knees

Knees you in the groin
Elbow in the face
Bruises bigger than dinner plates

I wanna go home
I don't wanna stay

Belligerent ghouls
Run Manchester schools

Spineless bastards all ...

Sir leads the troops
Jealous of youth
Same old jokes since 1902

He does the military two-step
Down the nape of my neck

I wanna go home
I don't want to stay
Give up life
As a bad mistake

Please excuse me from gym
I've got this terrible cold coming on
He grabs and devours
He kicks me in the showers
Kicks me in the showers
And he grabs and devours

I want to go home
I don't want to stay

Good Ole Alex.

Can't sleep.

BACK FOR DAYS

From now on I'm going to update this bitch daily.

Flavor of the day: Antoine Dodson with a side of chick peas and Nicki Minaj.

Today I made a cat pot in ceramics.

I keep feeding Bear. She tends to grow wider everyday.

Tomorrow is the Leslie and the Lys concert. Gosh I'm excited.

I've been listening to the Smiths and Devendra Banhart on repeat.

With the occasional Nicki Minaj. Gotta have that.

This Saturday is Cheese Days in Monroe, Wisconsin. I still can't believe we're driving 2 and a half hours to gorge on cheese........sounds reasonable.

I keep wanting to peel my fingernails off. It's been one of 'those' days.

Peanut went to the doctor today, she ain't got nothin but a wiener dawg cold. THANK GOD.

I noticed that Alyse has yet to update. I guess it's understandable. She is going to real college..

Man I can't wait to leave fake college. 4 years of high school were enough hell. I can't believe I'm forced to go through 2 more years. I wish I could sneak Peanut in.

Well I'm out of things to add.

Gone but for good reasons.

If anyone out there in the world that reads this was wondering why I haven't updated this blog, these are the reasons I have been MIA. Sincerely, Me.

HOW 2 B TWEE

I guess I'm growing up now, I'm miles more mature than I was yesterday, WHY? Because I got a driving permit! Yes, I was the only one over the age of 15 taking the test, which was a little blow to my self-esteem. Nevertheless, it is a great accomplishment, now I can legally drive with my pops all around my small town. I took a nap today, because I am horribly sleep deprived, and the Gospel Light Church woke me up pounding on the door armed with pamphlets and floor length Jean skirts. The real funny thing is they were really conventionally pretty, but the jesus necklace and jean skirts just torched any hope they had. They were real nice though, they didn't try to talk to me much. I appreciate that. Had my mother been home she would have ran them off the porch. A word to the wise: If there is a mezuzah on a door, there is likely to be a crazy jewish lady on the other side of that door. It's best to skip that house altogether.

Maybe you are wondering about the title of this post...LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT IT. So I was searching blogs today and came across one called "Twee Fashions," I don't want to link to it, because I feel that's rude. But Im sure if you do some clever googling you can find it. It's hilarious It's all about being twee and how to dress "twee." She finds pictures of twee folk and gives them a letter grade accordingly. For instance, glasses and a sweater and a scarf are an instant A, but if your scarf looks more like a bib you get bumped down to a B+ Apparently wearing a scarf really helps, and there was also a post about how if a friend makes you spaghetti, you should always pretend to like it even if it's bad. Unless, of course, you're cute and twee, then you can just be an asshole to your friend.

AH HELL, here is the link: http://tweefashion.blogspot.com/

don't forget: wear scarves, be nice to friends, and be cute.

New Obsession...

i'm such a victim of internet fads!!! I join everything, it's absurd, but this...this is so genius. CHATROULETTE, basically it's the love child of skype and aim, except you don't know anyone. so it's pretty skeevy, but also amazing. i have talked to so many europeans and man are they nice. I promised i wouldn't do it without a friend, but I LIED. i chatted to so many nice people, a comic book illustrator from Belgium and a high school student from paris and some lovely kids in orlando, and a sock puppet. there are plenty of perverts wanking it though. beware. i had to warn a family with children of the dangers. what a helpful internet citizen i am. what a boring post. here is a clip of some kids from my school..it's hilarious.

valentines day sucks

my friend erika calls it anal rape day. Except they can't sell cards for anal rape day. I've sort of been watching the olympics, sort of I'm morally opposed to it. Mostly I like to see them go around tight corners. I actually have nothing to write about, because not much really happens in my life. I'm reading a trashy romance novel about a young maid that goes to work for a rich Italian man. Of course she's in distress and he's all abrasive and macho and she sleeps with him all nasty like. The writing is terrible. I'm also reading "Girl Power" the much talked about book on Girl Bands. I think maybe I'm contradicting myself. I'm ashamed I can't read Joyce or Chaucer with the same zeal, though I think I am in the majority. Why should I think about metaphors and idioms when I can read about a well hung Italian and a large bosomed lady having sex on a vacuum. Tomorrow I am seeing St. Vincent with my pals from way back in middle school. Should be fun, plus we're getting pizza...YUM.
Middle school reminds me a lot about the people I respect the most...the handicapped...the SASSY handicapped. There was this crippled boy that wheeled around, and when I was a freshman I was all too sympathetic even clearing the entire hallway so he could wheel safely. He was hit my a bus when he was young and suffered some brain damage. It's all too natural to feel for someone in this condition and my friends and I did, until we found out that he was a complete dick! He swore all the time and was always really loud and never went to class. No staff member ever dared to scold him for anything. He was practically untouchable. One of my pretty friends smiled at him and in return he glared at her. That was the end of her rope I guess because everytime after that she said he deserved to be hit by the bus because he was an ass. Priceless! The best though was the relentless sympathy from our CREEPO gym teacher (that is almost identical to Jeff Foxworthy,) who hit a boy in a wheelchair with his car and has since forth been wracked with guilt.

Anyway...back to having nothing to say I think I will end with a food reccomendation. FAGE GREEK YOGURT WITH HONEY.
BEST THING EVER.

GIRL GIRL GIRL GERMS!

face it, girls did it best


1). Julie Ruin- Punk SInger
2). Bikini Kill-6). For Tammi Rae
3). Bratmobile- Girl Germs
4). Cadallaca- Your one Wish
5). Julie Ruin- Valley Girl Intelligentsia
6). Heavens to Betsy- White Girl
7). Julie Ruin- Apt. #5
8). The Slits- Typical Girls
9). Kathleen Hanna- I wish I was him
10). Sleater-Kinney- Modern Girl
11). Lesley Gore- Thats the way boys are
12). The Casual Dots- Clocks
13). Cadallaca- June n July
14).Le tigre- Gone B4 yr Home
15). X-Ray Specs- Oh Bondage, Up Yours !

Best product of the 90s.

HANDS DOWN.

this video is way cooler than my birth could ever have been...

I started looking for a job this fall in Iowa City. I really just want to work where I can be around books and maybe not talk to people. I'm so sick of my grocery job I could scream. I emailed a bookstore and I'm applying at the co op. We'll see what comes of it. I still have to finish my application for the Iowa Writers Living Dorm. AHHH! So much to do, i feel like a baby still.

Watching Roseanne. AGAIN. I'm always watching Roseanne. I really wish I was Roseanne. She's got it all figured out. Oh I forgot to mention. I finally got productive and finished a zine I started over 4 months ago!