Today 3 Linn County sheriffs hand delivered to my Aunt Mimi, a season pass to see Dane Cook's "Isolated Incident Tour", as a thank you gift for the citizens arrest of a inebriated young Korean man, last Saturday at The Rut. My Auntie Mimi, already the talk of the town, knocked out and sat on the chest of said man after his hand took an unfortunate trip up her skirt. Mimi is pals with all cops in the surrounding area, which is smart on her behalf, and they happen to know that she fancies Dane Cook. Believe me, their sentiment was not ill received. As soon as the sheriffs left she grabbed her driving loafers and went down to the 7 Eleven and quit her damn job! She dipped into some savings that she was supposed to use toward a Silver Bullet Trailer for herself and Carl. She got the oil checked, and gave the Cad' a tune up. She leaves on Thursday for a Super 8 Motel somewhere in Hershey, Pennsylvania. She won't be home for Christmas or her and Carl's anniversary. When that lady gets an idea in her head she loses all common sense. I guess in a way this really is a dream come true for her.
Ever since Aunt Mimi saw Dane Cook on Oprah in 2006 she's been a fan. In 2007 she bought all web domains available, www.Danecook.com, www.DANECOOKFANZ.com and www.DC4ME.org. In 2008 she hired a local artist to depict him in the nude. She taped her bucketlist to the medicine cabinet, and sandwiched in between "See Reba McEntire," and "2nd Honeymoon in Branson," is "Have Dane Cook fondle breasts. She's convinced that once she meets Dane, Reba will suddenly be attainable. I guess this would be as good a chance as ever to start living her dreams. As for Carl and I? It will be an E&J Christmas, but we'll be okay, we've made it on our own before.
^ Dane Mania!