well im with alexia weaver and she has someone to talk to thats in love with her, fuck her, i hope she's reallly fucking happy with that person. Don't worry about me, I feel good. No one likes me but people who are clinically depressed or clinically insane.

today i learned about Kantian ethics and Utilitarian ethics. I've been keeping a notebook of things I learn everyday. It's amazing how much you learn in a day. I'm not just talking about gossip, but real core learning stuff. Anyway, I digress. Kantian ethics are pretty black and white, if you are a follower of Kantian ethics you follow right and wrong strictly, it's all about means. Utilitarian ethics means you measure the greater impact of things, right and wrong is all situational. Like for instance, here's a pretty classical example to explain the differences in kantian and utilitarian ethics: a kantian ethics believer would say that killing is wrong in every situation. You would not kill one person to save a hundred. Each human life is equal, and right is right and wrong is wrong. a utilitarian ethics follower would say that the ends outweigh the means and of course 100 hundred lives is worth the sacrifice of one.

I personally am a believer of Utilitarian ethics, how could I not be? Maybe it's because I view religion in a secular way. That's another thing I learned today, I learned a lot about the differences between secular religious beliefs and fundamentalist beliefs. I wont go into the details because they are pretty self explanatory. Anyway, back to ethics. No, I'm done with ethics. I'm going to talk about my religious beliefs...

I am an agnostic. I tell people I am a jew, which ethnically I am. I will always be a jew, it's just part of my family history, but personally I am not. Agnostic means I don't know whether there is a god or not. How could I? I am merely human. Agnosticism seems to me to be the only humble belief. I don't know whether there is a divine creator, and really, I don't care. I think it is more important to understand what we do on a day to day basis, and the impact we have on others, and the world around us. I would challenge any fundamentalist to spend one day concerning themselves with the environment rather than their savior. really, why does no one care about the environment. I do now, i recycle and I don't drink bottled water.

I care a lot about my grades, I am sure it's only a temporary obsession. It's a good one though, I'm getting pretty good grades. My theory is that I am replacing any sort of social life, or sense of belonging I may have once had with endless hours of studying. I'm just really obsessed with learning things and studying and scoring high on tests.

I want to be a teacher some day. Like a professor. That is going to take a lot of school, and eventually I am going to have to get over my social awkwardness and overall self consciousness. I want to teach something I am really compassionate about. Probably English or Women's Studies. I am exactly 1/5 of the way through my Women's studies major and only about 1/10 of the way through my English major. Part of the Women's studies major is Practicum, which I think is being a TA. That should be interesting. There is nothing more fascinating to me than gender. Seriously. I am all for the eradication of the gender binary. It's just another method society has put in place to divide us. Boys. Girls. Men. Women. Masculine.Feminine. If we eradicated this idea of dimorphic sex, there would be no excuses for a gendered society. A man would not be excused for hitting his wife simply because society tells us that a man is biologically constructed to be more prone to aggression and violence. It's simply not true. There is nothing about a male's genetic makeup that makes him more prone to violence.

It all comes down to the two principles of understanding sex/gender: essentialism and social constructionism. Essentialism is the belief that the differences between men and women are more than just genitalia, they are innately biological differences that determine not only physical characteristics but also emotional and mental differences. The belief in essentialism allows for a lot of excusing of unsavory male behaviour, just like the example I previously gave. Essentialists often exaggerate the belief of dimorphic sex. Social Constructionists, however, believe that the differences between men and women are mostly socially constructed. That is to say that biologically, there are few differences between men and women, stemming not much further than genitalia. Society creates in us from a young age this idea of gender. Boys wear blue and play with trucks and girls wear pink and emulate the ultra-feminine appearance of their Barbie.

what???? what am I talking about?? I've had a whole lot to drink tonight.

not that I don't believe everything I've just spewed, it's just that Im not sure what I've been talking about because I'm really inebriated.

-ATGB

^ my initials.